Pains of The Heart
by Koudelka
Summary: Saifuu. Colorful language, violence, drama. Please R&R.
1. Prologue-Breaking-

Prologue. -Breaking-  
  
I sigh, staring out the window of my dorm. I wonder if I'll ever be out there, living life as fate has planned. No, probably not. Instead, I'm alone. Here, by myself. People say I have Raijin and Seifer to rely on... No. Ever since Seifer was defeated at Lunatic Pandora, Raijin wants nothing to do with him. I want nothing to do with Raijin. ...I've gained a new respect for Seifer. He'll do anything for his dreams... but now he's gotten depressed. Instead of an intense look in those green eyes, there's a dismal look of sadness. Seifer goes everywhere alone. Sure, we are still friends, the two of us, but nothing like before. We are both SeeDs. He is twenty-one, and I'm twenty. I fear things will never be the same.  
  
"Fujin Sanada and Seifer Almasy, please report to the Headmaster's office." The intercom blares. I walk out of my room, wondering what he could possibly want from the two of us. I pass Seifer on my way to the elevator. He smiles at me weakly, but I can tell its not a real smile. When people are truly happy, you can see it in their eyes. I didn't see the happiness in his eyes.  
  
"HAVE IDEA WHAT WANT?" I ask, hoping he'll say something. He doesn't. He just shrugs. I sigh, and press the up button on the elevator. As I stare out of the glass, at Seifer's reflection, the only thing I want in the world is for him to say something. You see, Seifer's my everything. He is why I get up in the mornings. He doesn't know that. I don't think he ever will. We hear the familar "bing" of the elevator coming to a halt, and he steps out first, and I follow. He opens the door to the headmaster's office. He stands there. Waiting for me to enter first? Why? Oh, probably just to get in good with the headmaster. With that thought in mind, more of my dreams are shattered. No one realizes it. But I'm shattering. I stood high and strong, but after awhile, things break. I'm breaking-slowly. I walk in, and Seifer follows. We both salute the headmaster, awaiting orders, or punishment.  
  
"Good afternoon, Ms. Sanada, Mr. Almasy. I have a small mission for the two of you." Deep inside, where no one can see, I smile. Just me and Seifer.  
  
"What are the conditions, sir?" Seifer sounds so official. I sort of miss his hot-headedness, but thats okay. I know he is still Seifer in there somewhere.  
  
"Well, in Timber, there has been a gang problem. The gang consists of fifty people. We could call it a mob. Anyway, it started out with just stealing, but now homicide is involved. I need you two to go there, and explore. Find out all you can, and send the information back here. We will send out back up if physical risk comes into veiw. You leave tonight, at eight. You will arrive at midnight. Stay there a maximum of a month. Understood?"  
  
"Yessir." Seifer answered.  
  
"Ms. Sanada?" I just nod once. We are dismissed. So, we leave in two hours... He'll probably go train. Seifer, why don't you talk to me...? We walk out the door, and once again, Seifer holds the door for me. He's using me... Hyne, I hate him... But I love him at the same time. He walks into the elevator, and I follow. He's muttering something to himself. I can't make it out though.  
  
"SOMETHING, WRONG?" I ask, feeling stupid.  
  
"Yeah, another fucking SeeD mission. Fucking waste of time." I sigh, and gaze out the glass doors, not able to wait to get out of the elevator. I stay silent. And the elevator passes the first floor.  
  
"What the hell? Friggin thing." Seifer kicks it, hard, and it stops, somewhere between the basement and the first floor. Stupid Seifer. Now we're stuck. He doesn't say anything, but I can see the anger building. Hyne, he has a short temper.   
  
"EMERGANCY BUTTON." I suggest.  
  
"Fucking thing doesn't work. The elevator is dead." I sigh, feeling foolish for not noticing. The light flickers, then goes out. I can no longer see him. I get scared. I don't show it... I never do. Maybe he noticed. I don't know how, I guess it happens after years of knowing someone. I think he noticed, because he patted me on the back and uttered a "Maybe someone seen us come down." I doubt it, but it's some condolence. It made me feel good; that Seifer cared. We sit down and wait. Maybe the elevator will come back to life.  
  
After about a half hour, Seifer stands up, and roars for someone to "get their lazy asses down here." No one answers, and Seifer sighs. I finally decide to talk in my normal voice, just because we are alone. I haven't done that since Lunatic Pandora. It feels good to just talk.   
  
"Someone will look for us. I mean, we are supposed to leave at eight..." I say, slowly. I can see Seifer face me quickly, perhaps in surprise of my voice.  
  
"Yeah, you're right, Fuu." Fuu. He hasn't called me that in so long. I have the urge to hug him. But, my mind won't let me. I hate this. I'm just a shattering peice of glass... Maybe he is too. I wonder if I'll ever be able to make Seifer smile again. I mean, really smile, not just the fake one he throws out to make me feel better, but a real smile. Suddenly, we hear a voice.  
  
"Haha! The elevator's stuck. That's where they are! They are probably making out or something too!"  
  
"Hey, fuck you, chicken-wuss!" Seifer yells up. I guess he knows Zell's voice. Everything goes silent, and then the elevator starts to move slowly upwards. I sigh. We are leaving as soon as we get up there, I guess getting stuck was good thing. It let me know that Seifer might actually care.   
  
We are in a car now, being driven by some 17 year old. Me and Seifer are seated in the back across from eachother. He stays silent. Hyne, Seifer, say something! The trip to Timber goes highly uneventful, and Seifer hardly says two words to me. We arrive at the hotel at one AM, and Seifer tosses his bag in a closet, along with his gunblade. I do the same with my bag and shriuken.  
  
"Seifer, you don't have to be so quiet." I suggest in a timid voice. I didn't mean for it to come out timid. But remember how I said was shattering like glass...? Sometimes my true emotions seep out, without my meaning to. The more I shatter, the more emotions seep out. Maybe no one will ever understand me. Maybe I don't even understand me. I get so lost in my thoughts that I don't notice that Seifer never answered me. I wonder why. Did he hear me? I clear my throat, let him know I'm alive, if he even cares.  
  
"What?" He asks.  
  
"Nothing." I reply. I can see he's getting annoyed so I shut up and lay down on my bed. Thats not something I'd usually do... Why am I doing it now? I look over, and he's lying on his bed. His eyes are open. What are you thinking about, Seifer? Tell me. I could understand... I don't say that. I really wish I did.  
  
The next morning I woke up at ten. I seen Seifer, he was still laying there, with his eyes open.  
  
"Seifer?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Did you... sleep?" I ask, trying not to sound as concerned as I really am.  
  
"No."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I never do."  
  
"Oh..." I get up and walked towards the closet. But something inside me makes me turn and face him. I ask "why?" I didn't mean to. But I did anyway.  
  
"...I don't know... Just can't." He looks up at me, through those tired and dismal green eyes. I want to cry, and hug him, tell him I'll make things okay... But thats not me. Thats not Fujin. 


	2. -Joining-

-Joining-  
  
I sigh and walk over to my bag, where I pull out a small, green sleeveless shirt, and a pair of baggy, blue pants. I go into the bathroom to get changed, and when I come out, Seifer is still laying there.  
  
"Seifer... are you alright?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm just fine. Just how I look, right?" Hyne, Seifer, please, please tell me. I don't think I can bear this any longer. Seifer, I need to tell you how I feel. I feel a throbbing pain in my head, and I react in shock, for it felt like someone punched me in the head.  
  
"Ah.." I moan. Why did I react like that? Dammit. I turn, embarassed. I've had migraines before... Why do I react like this lately?  
  
"Are *you* okay?"  
  
"Just as fine as you are." I mutter.  
  
"Then we had better get you to the hospital." He says sarcastically.  
  
"Seifer..." I walk over to my bag and pull out a bottle of pills, and take out two. I walk into the bathroom to get water. I hear Seifer from the next room.  
  
"I didn't know you had migraines..." I turn, and see Seifer going through my bag, holding up the bottle of pills. I try to think of a Fujin-like excuse.  
  
"There's alot you don't know about me..." I say, walking into the room.  
  
"I guess I miss alot..."  
  
"...When?"  
  
"When I'm somewhere else..." I look at him, hoping he is going to finally open up to me.  
  
"Like where...?"  
  
"Away, in my mind... Fuu, there's alot you don't know about me too." At that moment, I wanted to look into his mind, see what he was thinking. Oh, Seifer... tell me...  
  
"Why don't you... uh, tell me then...?" I knew he'd answer this cruelly. I held my breath.  
  
"Cuz I don't want to. Heh, its none of your fucking business." Seifer sneered as he walked into the bathroom. I exhaled, finally realizing how weak I had become. Living for one man... who couldn't care less if I lived or died. Damn him. Fuck the world. My life isn't worth it. I felt tingling at the back of my eye, and water rushed to the front, and streamed down my cheek. The pain in my head was far less severe than the pain throbbing in my body. I colapsed on the floor, holding myself up with my hands. I heard the shower running and was glad Seifer wouldn't be out for awhile. When he did come out, I had regained my compusure, and sat on the bed as if nothing had happened. I did manage to glare at him though.  
  
"We have to go find out some shit on these people."  
  
"...AFFIRMITAVE." I said. I really enjoyed talking to you, Seifer, now I feel I must go back to just answering.  
  
"...Er, yeah." We walked out the door, and he stepped out first... Bastard. He confuses me. He really does. One minute, I love him, and the next... I'd like to disembowel him!   
  
"We're gonna question the citizens today. We'll do the dirty work tommarow..." He announces, motioning for me to follow him outside. I follow, and we walk down to the pet shop. The owner is really friendly-or so I've heard.  
  
"Hello." Seifer says, wearing that fake smile.  
  
"Hi there. What can I do for ya!?"  
  
"I need gyashi greens." Seifer lies.  
  
"Alright, lemme get that for you... What about you, mam, are you with him?"  
  
"AFFIRMATIVE." Seifer glares at me for talking that way. I glare back.  
  
"Erm, alrighty!" The man starts to dig around for something behind the counter.  
  
"Hey, I heard that you guys were having a gang problem... that true...?" I see the man pause, then look up.  
  
"Yeah... The women next door's son was killed. We think its from the gang... Hmph."  
  
"Oh... I see..." Seifer says, an arrogant, sucess smile on his face. I keep a scowl on my face, and stare at the floor. Seifer pays for the gyashi greens he will never use, and we walk out the door.  
  
"Dammit, Fuu. You have to act friendlier, or we aren't gonna get shit outta these people!" I don't say anything. He never talks to me unless he wants something. Why should I speak to him at all...? I let out a sigh, and Seifer stops and turns to face me.  
  
"What the hell is wrong with you, Fujin? Are you *trying* to be a pain in my ass?" He snaps. I remain quiet. Oh Hyne, Seifer. Just shut up... I can't talk to you. So, I just step ahead of him and knock on the door next to the pet shop.  
  
"Who is it?" I open my mouth to say something, but instead, Seifer talks for me.  
  
"SeeDs. We need to ask you some questions..."  
  
"Oh, right. Hold on." The woman opens the door. She looks as if she has been crying. Well, of course, her son died.  
  
"We just have to ask you some questions involving your son, if thats okay..." Seifer says. He sounds so considerate.. Yeah, sure, Seifer. Keep acting. We are invited in, and he asks various, stupid questions. Finally, after an hour of my silence, I decide to say something useful.  
  
"Was your son starting to go out at various times during dark hours?" I ask, trying to sound polite. Seifer looks at me funny. I scowl at him.  
  
"Yes, for the past two weeks, he's been going out late at night. I asked him, he said he was with friends... then he was found dead, in an old building. Shot 15 times."  
  
"...I see." I say, waiting for Seifer to say something.  
  
"Oh, well we're terribly sorry. That's all, mam. Thanks for your time."  
  
"Sure thing." She replies. We leave and walk back to the hotel in silence. Its late. Around 7:30. I sigh, and plop on my bed. Seifer sits at the foot of his bed.  
  
"We're gonna go explore that building tommarow. I was tired today, thats why we didn't do much. But, I guess that's what happens when you don't sleep for two weeks... I'm gonna try and sleep tonight." Seifer layed back on his bed, and closed his eyes. After an hour, I can hear his steady breathing. He's sleeping... Good. I walk over to his bag, and start to rummage through it. I find all the normal stuff, then at the bottom, a small bottle that I recognize. My bottle of sleeping pills. I take them with me where ever I go... In case I *need* them. Why did he take them...? Was he concerned? Did he really care if I lived or died? I hear him move from up on the bed, and I take the sleeping pills and place them behind my back, kicking his bag back into the closet. He swings his legs over the bed and looks over at me.  
  
"Fujin, what in Hyne's name are you doing?"  
  
"NOTHING. WAS GOING TO BATHROOM." I point to the door that is next to me.  
  
"...Well, uh, what's behind your back?"  
  
"NOTHING." I answer. Before I know it, Seifer had walked over to me and put his arms around me, trying to get the item I had taken from his bag back. I've always wanted his arms around me, but not in this sense...  
  
"What did you take, Fujin?" I don't answer. Instead I break away from him and walk quickly into the bathroom.  
  
"GO!" I yell. I can't let him know how important these pills are. No. Never.  
  
"Just tell me what the hell you took!" I don't reply. I press my body against the cold, tile wall. He presses his hard, muscular body against mine, I can't get away now. The force of him against me forces me to toss the pills into the tub unintentionally. He looks over at the bottle, spilling over with the pills. I don't move. I don't breathe. Seifer turns his head to face me. I can feel the pressure of his body against mine loosen, but at a high cost... Seifer stares into my eye. I look back, and I see he is angry, disapointed and saddened.  
  
"Fuu... Why, Fuu?" I don't say anything as he walks over to the tub and turns on the hot water. I watch the pills dissolve slowly, and he walks away. I don't try and save the little tan pills. I don't want them. They've caused so much trouble; fucking pills. I look over at Seifer, who is sitting at the foot of his bed, head in his hands. He knew I had them... Why is he so upset now...? He thinks I was going to use them.. right there and then. Oh, Seifer. No... I wasn't... Should I tell him...? My life isn't worth anything, might as well. I turn off the hot water and walk over to Seifer.  
  
"Seifer...?"  
  
"...Mm?"  
  
"...I wasn't going to...use them."  
  
"Oh, really?" He stands up and faces me. "What were you doing with them, Fujin? What the fuck were you going to do with them?!" I take a shaky breath. Should I just tell him I was going through his bag?  
  
"I was going through..." I take another shaky breath. "going through your bag and found... them."  
  
"Why were you going through my bag?!"  
  
"...For the same reason you were going through mine..."  
  
"I doubt that, Fujin! I really friggin' do."  
  
"...Seifer. Really..."  
  
"Go to sleep, Fujin... dammit." I walk over to my bed and sigh as I lay down. Seifer, please, understand... I wonder though... Is he breaking too?  
  
End Chapter. 


	3. -Mending-

-Mending-  
  
I wake up the next morning to see Seifer sleeping. Good He needs his rest. I decide not to wake him yet. I'll do that once I'm out of the shower. I go into my bag and take two of my migraine pills. I don't even know why I take them. Damned things don't work. I rub my temples, and pull out a small black t-shirt, and decide to wear the same pants as yesterday. I walk into the bathroom and take off my clothes and eyepatch, then turn the hot water on as high as it will go, and step into the shower. The water is really hot, so I step back... onto a small, glass bottle. Sleeping pills.  
  
"Aiaahhh!" I scream as I fall backwards. I didn't mean to scream, but I did. I grab onto the soap dispenser for support.  
  
"Fujin!?" I hear Seifer open the door and walk in. Great... Fucking great.  
  
"I'm..." I clear my throat and stand up. "...I'm okay."  
  
"What happened...?"  
  
"I stepped on the bott-..." I look down to see a steady stream of blood flowing down with the water into the drain. "...Shit."  
  
"What? ...What's wrong?"  
  
"Fuck!" I mutter, looking at my foot, which is bleeding badly.  
  
"What the hell happened, Fuu?" Seifer asks. I can tell he is getting impatient with me.  
  
"I stepped on the fucking sleeping pill bottle."  
  
"Oh, you okay?"  
  
"Yeah, peachy." I say angrily. I hear Seifer leave, and I turn off the shower, and step out wrapping myself in one of the hotel's light pink towels. I hop over to the sink and look in the medical cabinet. Empty.  
  
"No fucking first aid kit?! Greeaat."  
  
"Fuu?" No, I said that aloud? No, Seifer doesn't have to know I'm hurt...  
  
"WHAT?"  
  
"You sure you're okay...?"  
  
"YES." I place my foot down. Excruciating pain. "Ahh..ow..." The door opens. I turn as quickly as possible, in search of my eyepatch. No one has EVER seen me without my eyepatch.  
  
"Fuu! Hyne! You're bleeding. Shit. Sit down." My eyepatch. Eyepatch... damn, damn, damn!   
  
"NO. FINE. JUST A SCRATCH." I can feel his eyes on my back, scanning me. Dammit, Seifer. Go away.  
  
"Yeah, right. Look at all of this blood. Now just sit down." I sit on the covered toilet, and I see him staring at my face. Fucking eyepatch. I have a huge scratch through my eye, and the eyeball is still there, I just can't see out of it. Fucking ocean. I hardly remember the day... fucking GF's. All I remember is falling off a huge cliff near the ocean, I banged my head hard on a rock on the way down. ...I was only 6. I look back up at him. You can stop staring now, Seifer, I'm fucking BLEEDING TO DEATH! I close my eyes, and raise my eyebrows.  
  
"Oh, right." Seifer grabs a smaller towel and wraps it around my foot. He looks up at me, and water is dripping down my face. Does he even care- or is he just acting? Seifer, I can't tell. Can you tell me...?  
  
"I'll go get a first aid kit from downstairs. Sit tight." He leaves and I sigh, looking around for my eyepatch. I find it, and hop over to te mirror looking at myself... I'm awful looking. I hardly look like a women... Short, silver hair, and a shapeless, small build. Hyne, Seifer, how could I ever think you could love me? I slip the eyepatch on, and get dressed, being thankful that the pants I chose were baggy, therefore, it wouldn't be such a hassle trying to get my foot in. Seifer returned just when I finished pulling the shirt over my head. He was carrying a white box.  
  
"Uh, sit down." He commands. I do, and he unwraps the towel. He rewraps my foot in some white guaze. "You should stay here today."  
  
"NEGATIVE." I say. You can't go alone. What if you get into trouble?  
  
"...Hah, you can hardly walk."  
  
"CAN!" I say. I walk into the next room normally. Hyne, it hurts. It hurts so badly. I want to scream. But I don't. I can't.  
  
"Oh... Alright then. Let's go."  
  
Fifteen minutes later, we are standing outside an old, abandoned building.  
  
"So... this is it." He says, looking at me. Yes, it is. Well, are we going inside?  
  
"You brought your shuirkin... right?"  
  
"AFFIRMATIVE."  
  
"Why do ya talk like that, Fujin?"  
  
"...REASON-NONE." Actually, there is a huge song and dance about why I talk like that, I just don't feel like getting into it.  
  
"...Yeah, whatever." He opens the door, and steps in first. I follow. I watch him as he clicks on his flash light and points it across the dark room.  
  
"So, uh, they say they found his body on the fifth floor... This must be a huge-ass building."  
  
"Mhm..." My attention is focused on something else. I walk over to find several guns laid out. Not touched- it seems. It also seems they have awful officers in Timber.  
  
"SEIFER?"  
  
"Er,what?"  
  
"COME HERE."  
  
"Why...?"  
  
"SEIFER...!"  
  
"Alright..." Seifer can be so difficult at times... Thats okay though. I honestly don't know his mood right now... He was so angry at me last night, but then he cared so much this morning... Seifer pointed the flash light at the floor in front of me.  
  
"WHAT THINK?" I ask, awaiting some sort of response.  
  
"Initiation..."  
  
"WHAT?"  
  
"I SAID Initiation."  
  
"I know very well what you SAID, I want to know what you MEANT!" I ask, getting annoyed with him.  
  
"He failed, so they killed him... You know, an initation... to the gang. They thought he would pass, so they told him everything. He failed, so they killed him. Heh." It all came together. So that's it. It fit...  
  
"HOW KNOW?"  
  
"These aren't real guns. They just shoot out bean bags. It was obviously an obstacle course. How many 'bullets' can you dodge. He probably got hit too many times."  
  
"Oh..." How did you get so smart, Seifer?  
  
We explored the rest of the building and found nothing special. On my way back down the stairs, I could feel my foot starting to bleed again. I guess I should've gotten stitches.  
  
"Alright, here's the plan. We get one a day, and send em to the slammer, and kill the leader. We'll need to request extra time."  
  
"...AFFIRMATIVE." I say, as we walk out of the building.  
  
"Fujin, why do you talk like that...?"  
  
"...REASON-NONE." Didn't you already ask me that, Seifer?  
  
"Oh, come on, Fuu." I sigh.  
  
"When I talk the way I do, I'm just answering... giving or taking orders... saying what fits... Not necessarily what I truly feel. But, when I talk normal, I say what I feel..." I realize what I'm saying is actually thought-provoking, so I end it with a "that's all."  
  
"Oh... I see. Fujn, do me a favor...?"  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"Talk normal, around me?" Why? Are you interested in how I feel? Or do you just want to look normal?  
  
"Uh, sure..." I reply. I can feel my boot getting wet with my blood, and I ask Seifer if we can sit down. He says sure, and we sit on a bench.  
  
"What's wrong?" He asks. Do you care, Seifer?   
  
"N, nothing."  
  
"So, we can get up?"  
  
"Yeah." He stands, and offers me his hand. I take it, feeling the soft leather of his gloves. I put pressure on my left foot. Its hurts; unbearably. I collapse into Seifer's arms.  
  
"Fujin?!" I swallow. So close. You're so close...  
  
"I'm sorry..." I say, feeling my face flush. I don't let go. I don't think I can. So damn close.  
  
"You.. okay? Is it your foot...?"  
  
"I'm fine." I'm holding on to him, and he's holding me. Wrong circumstances again. Damn. I'm not going to come right out tell him I need to go into the hospital, so I let go, putting as little pressure as I can on my left foot. He notices.  
  
"...Take off your boot."  
  
"No..."  
  
"Do it." He says, giving me a warning look. Are you my father, friend, or enemy...? I can never tell. Is it possible that you are my lover?  
  
"No."  
  
"FUJIN!" He bellows. Hyne, I hate it when he yells at me. I sigh, and sit back down. I pull off my boot. Blood drips out.  
  
"Fuck, Fujin... Timber hospital."  
  
"No, I'm fine."  
  
"Shut up. I'm taking you in."  
  
"...Seifer..." I pull back on my boot, and stand up.   
  
"Don't put pressure on it, lean on me if you need to." Lean on me...? Hyne, Seifer, could it be possible that you may care...? Its dusk, and we walk through the streets of Timber, and we arrive at the hospital. I get seven stitches.  
  
When we get to the hotel, Seifer goes right for the phone.  
  
"Hello? Headmaster. I need 55 days here, and I'll have the whole gang cleared up. Yeah, its fine with me, sir. Is it okay with Fujin? I think so. Ask her? ...Hold on." Like I'm going to disagree with him. I remain sitting on my bed, watching the news, and pretending that I didn't hear anything.   
  
"Fujin?"  
  
"Yeah?" I ask, knowing what's coming.  
  
"You up for fifty-five days...?" Am I? No. But I'll do it anyway.  
  
"Sure, Seifer." I mutter, glancing at him. He picks back up the phone.   
  
"Yeah, its fine with her, sir. Hahaha! I'll deal. Bye now." They laughed about something. I don't know what. Probably me. I sigh, totally aware of how screwed up I am, and lay back on my bed. I heard Seifer hang up the phone.  
  
"Fuu, you had better get in a good mood with me, we'll be together for over a month." Good mood with you? I am in a good mood with you... I live for you, how could I not be in a good mood with you? Why don't you get in a good mood with me? Dammit. I really want to say these things, but I don't. Fucked up. The two words that describe me best. He sat on the foot of my bed and grabbed the controller for the TV. He seemed to be in a better mood. I'm glad, but I wonder why he is in a better mood.  
  
"Anything good on?"  
  
"Unless you like watching the depression of the world..." I motion to the news. "No." He leaves on the news and turns to face me. I don't sit up. I act like I don't care. Why? I do care... more than anyone else ever will. Why can't you understand me, Seifer?  
  
"About last night..." My heart starts pounding. I don't know why. I sit up.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
"Seifer, you didn't do anything."  
  
"..." I think he realized then that he hadn't done anything. Because he hadn't. "Uh, still... Why do you have those sleeping pills?" I won't answer truthfully... Or I'd have to tell him... it was his fault. I didn't want to do that.   
  
"I... have trouble sleeping."  
  
"No, Fuu... I want the truth." He runs his bare hand down my face. Oh Hyne, his touch... Why, Seifer?! Why...? I swallow. I can't tell you, Seifer. Please understand... "Fuu... please tell me. I want to fix it." Seifer... you sound like you care. Oh, you care? You do? Seifer, I can't tell you. I don't want to. "Fujin! Talk to me..." Its then I realize I'm being silent. I say what comes to mind.  
  
"They-are-there... just in case I need them..."  
  
"For what?" Suicide. I don't like to call it that... I like to call it releiving myself of the pain in my heart.  
  
"Relieving myself... of pain." I say.  
  
"What sort of pain?" Stop it, Seifer. Stop asking so many questions! He clicks off the TV, filling the room with a deadly silence.  
  
"Pain of the heart." ...I say slowly. Why did I say that? I can't tell him the very emotions I've locked up for years. No, not now. Not ever... then when? I wonder if Seifer got what I was saying to him. Whatever he thought provoked him to place his strong arms around my body. I couldn't breathe. His arms were around me... for the right reason.  
  
Seifer, don't let go. Never let go. I put my arms around him also, waiting for him to say something.  
  
"Fujin... pains of the heart... I can ease those pains... If you let me say three words..." I stopped breathing. Right there and then, for that moment, I couldn't get any air into me. I swallow, waiting. I have to say something... But what?  
  
"Say them... if you mean them." I say, hoping it fits the situation... Fits... no, Fujin, say what you feel! I swallow. "Please say them." Is all I can manage.  
  
"... I love you, Fuu." Everything inside me stopped. My heart, my mind... I just couldn't think. It all came back soon enough, just long enough for me to utter a few words myself.  
  
"I, I love you... too, Seifer." He hugs me tighter, and I can feel tears welling in my eyes. They drop on his shoulder, and looks up at me. I bury my face in his shoulder.  
  
"What's wrong, Fuu...?"  
  
"Nothing... That's just it... Nothing is wrong." I look up at him, and he presses his lips to mine. I kiss him back. So this is what I have been waiting for... Seifer... I think you understand.  
  
End Chapter. 


	4. -Completing-

-Completing-  
  
I wake up the next morning and see Seifer laying next to me. His arms are around me. I guess he never did let go. I remembered last night, after he kissed me, he just layed there with me, stroking my hair, until I fell asleep. Seifer... you do care... you do love. I don't want to get out of bed, but I know we have work to do. I have to ask him something too.  
  
"Seifer...? We have to get up."  
  
"Ah? Oh..." He removes his arm from around me, and he smiles. Seifer... I love your smile. Its a real smile. I made you smile, Seifer. I live for that smile. "We get our first gangster today. You ready?"  
  
"Yeah." I say, getting out of bed. "Seifer?" I turn to face him.  
  
"Hm?"  
  
"How do we know if the person is a gangster?"  
  
"Easy. All of the gangsters wear a small tiger on their right sleeve..."  
  
"Where'd you find this out?" He tosses me a jacket, with a small tiger on the right sleeve.  
  
"I found it in that building. I guess it was supposed to be that guy's should he have passed.. And I've seen it on several guys in town."  
  
"I see..." I say, thinking.   
  
"A Galbadian train leaves for the prison everyday. We'll send the gangster on that one under the careful watch of a Galbadian solider. We should be set."  
  
"Alright." Then I see it. The glimmer in his eyes has returned. Seifer... Seifer!! There you are... I smile at him. And walk over to my bag, where I pull out my blue shirt, the one with the armor. I walk into the bathroom and get changed, and when I walk back out, he is changed also. We walk out the door.   
  
"We'll just walk around until we find one..."  
  
"Alright." We walk around for about an hour, finding nothing.  
  
"Aw, come on, where are those dirty bastards!"  
  
"Kyaaaaah! Seifer!" I'm pulled away suddenly. I turn, try kicking him but, another one comes up from behind and grabs my legs. They take my shruiken away. I try screaming, my mouth is covered. I hear Seifer draw his gunblade. A third member comes up. Seifer can't handle all of them. The two run away carrying me, leaving the other one to deal with Seifer. I try to escape, but these two men must each weigh three hundred pounds. I'm in a dark alley now... I feel a pain in my head.  
  
When I wake up, I'm laying in the alley half naked. I'm scared. Raped...?!   
  
"Seifer..." I whisper hoarsley, trying to gather my clothes. I manage to find my pants, but thats it. I pull them on, now clad in a bra and pants.   
  
"SEIFER!" I scream. Then I see him. He's knocked out on the street. Seifer... I realize then that I wasn't *really* raped. Seifer must have killed them off before they could finish, but was then knocked out by a fourth member of the gang. I can see the other three bodies, dead. Killed by Seifer's gunblade. I walk over to him.  
  
"Seifer... Oh, Seifer, answer me..." He groans, and his eyes open. He looks at me, and wraps his arms around me.  
  
"Fujin! Oh, Fujin... Are you alright? Fujin..."  
  
"...I'm okay, Seifer... I think I'm okay. What happened?"  
  
"I killed the first one, then I found you, knocked out. They were taking... they were taking off your clothes... I killed them both, easily. Then fourth one came. He was different... Huge. Had to be a foot taller than me... I got him good, but then I got knocked out. I'm sorry, Fuu..." ...I feel like crying, I'm so scared. I look behind him, to see a rolled up ball of newspaper. It reads: "Local pet shop owner jailed for gangstry..." So... He reported us, when we asked, he went right off and told the gang... They found us... I stand up and pick it up, handing it to Seifer. He reads it, then looks at me.  
  
"Fucking bastard! We're leaving, Fuu. We're leaving right fucking now." Seifer sheds his trenchcoat and hands it to me. I put it on and we walk back to the hotel.  
  
"Are you sure you're alright, Fujin?" I swallow. I'm fine. Nothing really happened.  
  
"Yeah, positive."  
  
"Alright..." He picks up the phone. "Headmaster...? We are coming back. The nature of this mission has gotten life-threatening. Yes. Okay. Fine." Seifer hangs up the phone and looks at me. "The next train leaves tommarow. At...five am. We're leaving then, Fuu, I promise. Cid is sending other SeeD members."  
  
"Mhm..." I say. I guess I'm still sort of dazed. I walk over to my bag and pull out my migraine medicine and take some. Seifer walks up to me and puts his arms around me.  
  
"Fujin, I'm so sorry... Dammit!"  
  
"Seifer, its not your fault. Forget about it. I was knocked out. I don't remember anything..." Besides waking up alone, and naked... being scared for my life... But no, Seifer, that is not your fault. He kisses me atop my head, and I smile. I'm fine, Seifer, as long as you're here with me, nothing else matters. Oh, Seifer.  
  
"Fuu, what are you thinking about in there...?" He asks. I'll tell him. I can tell him.  
  
"Just you, Seifer."  
  
"What about me?"  
  
"How much I love you..." I say, turning to face him. I can see the glimmer in his green eyes again. I can tell that he is truly happy. I'm glad. My foot starts to hurt, so I sit down on my bed.  
  
"You okay?"  
  
"Yeah..."  
  
"We'll get those stitches removed when we get back to Garden, okay?"  
  
"Ok..." I had this feeling inside me that I had never felt before. Indignity. It isn't fair what they did to me and Seifer... Fuck them... Dammit! I'm getting mad now, and Seifer notices.  
  
"Fuu?"  
  
"Mhm?!"  
  
"S'rong...?"  
  
"...I'm just so upset at those assholes..."  
  
"Well, you should be." I nod, and Seifer sits next to me. "I think you should sleep... Fuu."  
  
"...Yeah..." I feel I need to ask a stupid question, but I'm scared. I feel like a child. I don't care though. "Seifer... will you sleep beside me? I'm sorry, I know its stupid but-"  
  
"Shh, no, Fuu, its not stupid." Seifer lays down next to me, and puts his arm around me. I feel safe.   
  
An hour later, I'm still not asleep. I turn, Seifer is. I slip out of his arm and walk over to the window and open it. A strong gust of wind blows in. Its raining. I sigh, how I love storms. Suddenly, I feel two arms slip around my waist. I remain completely still, other than my hands, that are moving down fast to touch the arms... Are they Seifer's...? Yes. I look up at him.  
  
"Why aren't you sleeping?" He asks.  
  
"Just couldn't sleep... But, um, I thought you were asleep..."  
  
"How could I sleep when you could be in danger? No, can't do that." I smile to myself. Then I realize I never got to ask him the question I wanted to this morning.  
  
"Seifer, can I ask you something?"  
  
"...Sure." I can feel my heart start to beat faster.  
  
"You know... for the past couple of years... I, uh," Hyne, why is talking so hard? "noticed that you were... um, depressed... Why?" Seifer took a deep and long breath. I wonder will he answer me.  
  
"... Failure. I failed to complete my dream. The dream I worked so hard on. Raijin thought I was a failure... and left. Then I was afraid you, Fujin, thought I was a failure too... so... I deemed myself as failure..."  
  
"Seifer, I never thought you were a failure. Never. How could I? You were so... able. I loved you, Seifer. I've loved you for years." I say, wondering what his reply will be.   
  
"Fuu..." That's it? That's all you have to say? ...Oh. Well, I must say, it is sort of disapointing. Heh. He turns my body around to face him, and he kisses me as a gust of wind blows in through the window.  
  
"Fujin, I've always loved you." I almost drop, but his arms are there to support me. I hold him, and never want to let go. Seifer... please, never let go.  
  
End Chapter. 


	5. -Shattering-

-Shattering-  
  
I wake up and see Seifer.  
  
"Hey, we have to leave now..."  
  
"Ugh... what time is it?" I'm so tired. Its still dark out- and raining.  
  
"...Four- thirty." He says. I yawn and look up at him. He didn't sleep. I can tell.  
  
"Okay..." I say. We grab our things. My shuirkin is gone, I'll have to buy another when I get back to Garden. Seifer and I walk out the door, and out on to the streets. We wait outside the train station in the rain.  
  
"Seifer, when did Cid say he was sending more SeeDs?"  
  
"They are supposed to come on this train..."  
  
"Oh..." We stand there for awhile. It seems the train has been delayed due to inclement weather. The streets are empty and dark, the only light coming from the occasional flash of lightening. I sigh and yawn, at the same time. Seifer looks over at me.  
  
"We should go back to the hotel and wait."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Its not safe out here."  
  
"...Alright." So he's worried. Maybe we are in more danger than I thought. We turn and walk towards the hotel. I hear something behind us. I don't turn. I whisper something into Seifer's ear.  
  
"Seifer... Don't turn around... they are here."  
  
"Fuck..." Seifer mutters.   
  
"What do we do?" I ask, my heart pounding.  
  
"Kill the fuckers." Seifer turns, while taking out his gunblade. He slashes the man who is standing behind me, he falls to the ground. Lightening strikes. There are five of them. One is really tall. It must be the one Seifer was talking about.  
  
"Seifer, I don't have a weapon. You can't handle them all."  
  
"..." Seifer doesn't say anything. I can sense fear off of him.   
  
"Seifer?!" I ask, waiting.  
  
"...Dammit, Fuu... I don't know what to do!" So, we stand there getting soaked, as our lives rest in our enemies hands. I hear footsteps. They are light, so I can tell it isn't the leader. He charges toward Seifer, but Seifer blocks him with his gunblade. I kick him in the leg, and he falls to the ground, giving Seifer time to strike. He does, and the water on the streets turn a reddish color, as lightening strikes again.  
  
"Seifer... Seifer... he is coming."  
  
"The leader?"  
  
"Yeah..."  
  
"...Fujin."  
  
"Hm?!"  
  
"Run."  
  
"No."  
  
"Do it!"  
  
"No!" Why does he want me to run? I can't leave you here, Seifer. I can't. I see the sun start to rise on the horizen. I can see Seifer's face. He's dripping with water.  
  
"Please, Fujin. I don't want to see you hurt! I love you, I can't let you get hurt." I see it. The leader is right behind him.  
  
"Seifer! Look out!" I yell. Seifer turns and slashes the leader with his gunblade, right across the chest. Seifer, oh Hyne, Seifer, be careful! Then I feel arms. Someone is trying to grab me. I don't turn, instead, I send a kick backwards, and then punch him in the face while he's dazed. I stand behind him, placing his head in between my elbow and arm. I squeeze, and pull back on his neck. I hear a crunch, he's dead. I turn, and see it. Why did I have to see it? The leader pulled out a gun, and shot Seifer in the stomach. He smiled smugly.  
  
"SEIFER!" I yell, rushing toward him.  
  
"F, fuu..." Seifer, no, you can't die on me. No! I feel tears, I don't care. His eyes close. I feel for a pulse... nothing.   
  
"Seifer! Oh... Seifer..." My tears fall on his face, and my breathing becomes ragged. Dead. I'll never see you again. No, Seifer. No! I see a gun laid loosely on the ground. I pick it up and aim it at the leader's head. He is walking away, his back turned. I squeeze the trigger, again, and again. He falls on the ground. I hear SeeDs fighting off the other gang members. But one of the gang members seen me do that. I feel a pain in my left shoulder. Seifer's voice plays over and over in my head. I think its safe to leave now. A pain in my leg, I fall to the ground. My head... I feel a cold liquid spreading out over my chest. Darkness closes in all around me. Hold on, Seifer, I'm coming.   
  
End Chapter. 


	6. -Healing-

-Healing-  
  
I can feel myself breathing again. I don't know how much time has passed since Seifer died. I think I'm in a hospital. I don't bother to open my eye. I don't want to be alive... Seifer... Oh Hyne, Seifer... Why? I never want to open my eye again. Never want to see anything but you again Seifer... but I never will... Then I hear a male voice.  
  
"...Well, she's been in a coma for three months! There is no way she makes it." Its Squall's voice. I'm alive. And I'll make it... So, three months... Damn, it doesn't feel that long. There's in IV in my arm, I can feel it. So, they are keeping me in Garden... I guess the hospital threw me out after so long. I stand up, still not opening my eye, and toss the IV to the ground. I hear voices. Someone hugs me. Leave me alone, you bastard. I think. I don't say anything, or react. Whoever it is is crying on me. Get away from me. You bastard. I don't say anything. I hear Squall again.  
  
"Well, erm, she isn't reacting." The crying of whoever is holding me stops, and whoever it is lets go.  
  
"Fujin?" I recognize the voice, but can't place who it is. I guess I'm still a bit distorted. Finally I muster up two precious words.  
  
"GO AWAY." I'm surprised I'm able to talk like that.  
  
"Fujin, just open your eye! ...What if she doesn't remember?" He asks.  
  
"She should..." Squall replies. I do remember... I just want Seifer. That's all. I can never have Seifer though. I wonder who was crying... I feel someone holding me again, and they sit me on the bed. Seifer... Seifer... Please... I don't want to open my eyes, and see that the man holding me is some odd person I've never seen before. Probably a new male doctor. I sigh.  
  
"KILL ME." I say. Thats all I want. I can't have Seifer... So there is no point in living.  
  
"Say what...?" Squall asks.  
  
"Fuu, don't say that..." Seifer. Seifer was the only one who ever called me Fuu. Who was this bastard who called me Fuu?! I open my eye. It meets with the familar green eyes of... Seifer Almasy.  
  
"SEIFER!" I practically yell. I hug him.  
  
"Fujin...!" He kisses me on my forehead.  
  
"Seifer... I thought you were dead." I say. So Seifer was crying... over me... Oh, Seifer.  
  
"Close to it... Fuu. You don't know... These last three months... I just got out of the hospital myself... two weeks ago... I wasn't in a coma though. Hm." Seifer, shh. I just want you to hold me. He does, and I smile. Seifer, I need you. Maybe you need me too. You won't ever leave me, right? You did mend those pains in my heart. I'm not breaking. I stand tall... with Seifer.  
  
~The end.  
  
{Author's note: I know, that ending was sort of unrealistic... But, I couldn't bear to see those two die! Dammit.} 


End file.
